the question is: who made this and why?

“I’m writing ‘young and gifted’ in my autobiography / I figure, who would know, better than me?”
—Sloan

who?

I’m a single white male who’s been around about as many years as the number of times an LP revolves in one minute. (I am not quite as awkward as that sentence, but close.)

I ride trains, buses, and two-wheeled conveyances. I am a skilled but infrequent operator of motor vehicles, so long as they don’t require me to do something so obsolete as to manually shift gears. In the summer of 2003, I sold the 1.7-ton monster with which I moved myself to the west coast. In return, I received the euphoria of being debt-free. Happily, I have not looked back.

Since November 2002, I have been more or less gainfully employed by a California-based political environmental group. I have a nice niche there right now, maintaining and designing the website, writing and sending out the e-newsletter, and doing varied other design and writing tasks (including managing the semi-annual print newsletter). Since July 2005, I have enjoyed the novelty of living in California and actually having my evenings free. It’s very nice.

For complex reasons, I am a fan of sports: mostly baseball, but football, too. I watch sports on TV and in person. I join fantasy sports leagues despite vowing not to (I do it for the lulz camaraderie) and also engage in weird online simulations that bridge the (seemingly large) gap between organized sports and role-playing games. Weird. I also enjoy playing sports (relatively unskillfully), such as baseball and football, but it’s somewhat difficult (though increasingly less so) to get people together to do that. Two of my most reliable social appointments during my time in the Bay Area have been playing baseball every other week and pub trivia every week (until recently). Listening to music (both live and recorded) and very slowly learning to play guitar (left-handed) rank high on my list of hobbies. I have dabbled with the idea of writing, if not the practice. Art isn’t out of the question, either. My favorite expensive hobby is traveling; I’ve been everywhere, man. Not really, but I’ve been out of the country a couple times.

Somewhat recently I went through a phase of quitting my job and moving to an entirely new state. It can be habit-forming, but I seem to have kicked it for the moment.

It all started in November 1999 when I moved to Minneapolis, Minnesota from Madison, Wisconsin (where I attended a large public university and learned to drink [among several other things]). I do not regret that move.

After 3 pretty decent years, during which I had my first canvassing job and my first state job, both of which I quit, I moved again.

In August 2002, I moved from Minneapolis to Oakland, California, where I currently live (having also spent 10 months in Berkeley). I do not regret that move, which generally seems to have been beneficial so far.

Other essentially useless information, for identification purposes only:

• Hometown: Milwaukee, Wisconsin—the town that made beer famous.
• Myers-Briggs type: Somewhere around ENFJ (though I’m pretty equally balanced between extrovert and introvert).
• Eye color: can only be described as “bluish-grayish, with one appearing slightly greener than the other, likely due to the presence of slightly more brown.”
• Dating status: lack thereof.
• Dominant form of humor: self-deprecating.
• Social Security Number: 999-99-9999. (Note: The preceding is not my actual social security number.)
• Favorite Simpsons quote: [Teen 1] “Oh look, the cannonball guy, he’s cool.” [Teen 2] “Are you being sarcastic, dude?” [Teen 1] “I don’t even know anymore.”
• Distinguishing characteristics: Understatement, overemphasis, hyperbole, subtlety, ambivalence, capacity for learning, good listener, general lack of organization, the appearance that everything is a-ok, extreme false modesty.
• Number of parenthetical expressions on this page: 15 (including this one).

why?

Ours not to reason why; ours but to do and die.

If that’s not satisfying, then read the introduction.