Month: April 2003

a sine wave

I pick the strangest times to stay up all night.

I also pick the strangest times to update this site. It’s somewhat foolish for me to attempt to document my emotions here, since they change constantly. (You’ve seen a sine wave, right?)

I also know that sometimes people that I actually know visit this site. That was the idea. However, there have been probably hundreds of times I’ve wanted to post something a little more personal, or something about a friend, or something about work, or something about someone I liked—but I haven’t, because I was worried about how people would respond to it. I’ve been very careful. Being careful, though, means being incomplete. It means hiding my thoughts and feelings.

I guess that means I need another outlet of expression, because I’m just not willing to fully trust myself to the Web. In recent weeks, I’ve been looking far more seriously into the idea of learning to play guitar (since anyone can, according to Radiohead). Even if I never write songs and perform them for people, I really feel the desire to have some ability to express myself musically. I may in fact get a guitar on Sunday.

Today I’m going to Richmond to staff CLCV’s table at an Earth Day celebration, after which I will go to a work party. I wish I’d slept.

a call for reputable journalists

An excellent article: Behind Our Backs.

It strikes me that we need a “reputable” journalist or two to do for Bush what Woodward and Bernstein did for Nixon.

Happy tax day. I did mine a month ago.

suffer this vagueness

As always, I didn’t want a whole month to go by without at least updating at least once. It’s been a surprisingly difficult and stimulating month. Birth. Death. Closure. Anticipation. Nights that have been entirely too late, unsurprisingly.

I can’t really explain why I’m feeling dark at this point. I have been cruising at a satisfying altitude the last couple months; it’s only natural I should hit a more contemplative spell. I really should spend more time contemplating, though.

The joyous news of the recent past is that my brother and his wife had their baby: I’m an uncle! Nora Ruth was born Tuesday, April 8th in North Carolina. I wonder when I’ll get a chance to meet my new niece.

The next day, unfortunately, brought a loss to our family. My mom’s cat—Macintosh Xavier Gohlke Ream—died last Wednesday.

Macintosh had a really long and wonderful life. He was the most intelligent and affectionate cat I’ve ever met. I was 10, still living in Milwaukee, when the neighbor kids offered him door to door on our block. He was just a little kitten, and they put him in Mom’s arms, and that was pretty much it — he was our cat from that point on. 1985-2003. Macky was always there when I came back home, and next time, he won’t be. I’m going to miss him.

ornamental divider

I like California. I like working at CLCV. The people are really interesting. The weather is generally quite good. And there are many, many things to do. I just need to get out there and do them. Before I do them, though, I have some work hanging over my head. Things have been crazy around here, what with some upheaval at work, and some interesting developments (if, at times, slow to develop) in my personal life. I fear you must suffer this vagueness for the moment.

I will say that the trip to the Midwest was really fun and rewarding (despite the massively nasty cold virus I brought back home—sorry, Bay Area). That’s just the kind of month I’ve had.

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